Green-Eyed Monster

Have you ever encountered blinding rage and frustration? A time when you are fuming in the mouth and you are senseless in what you say? I don't know that many would ever admit to this period of weakness, but I sure did. No matter how silly some things are, people get side-tracked by jealousy. All of us can sometimes feel jealous. There are times when we do not see our self-worth. It strikes the very core of our being when we are insecure and uncertain. When we fail on our presumed goals that's when we start comparing ourselves to others. A sure path to misery. But what really is jealousy?

"Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust." - Wikepedia

"Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them." - Jennifer James


How to deal with jealousy? http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy

1 Understand the emotion of jealousy. A combination of fear and anger, jealousy is fed by the fear of losing someone (or a cherished situation/state of affairs) and anger that someone else is "moving in" on the person or situation that is of value to you personally. It's a destructive and ignoble emotion and nothing good can come of it, so recognition of its occurrence is your number one self-defense.

2  Deconstruct why you feel jealous in the first place. 

3 Take a good look at the effect your jealous behavior has on other people.

4 Tackle your feelings now. Learn to question your jealousy every time that it emerges. For example, say to yourself: "Is this jealousy because I feel afraid or angry? Why am I feeling fear or anger here?" When you begin to question what makes you jealous in the moment, you can begin to take positive steps to manage the feelings constructively, without the cloud of negative emotion that typically accompanies jealousy. Some questions to ask yourself include:

• "Why am I jealous over this?"
• "What is making me jealous?"
• " What am I trying to keep?"
• "Why do I feel threatened?"

5 Change any false beliefs that might be fueling your jealousy. Be aware that your thoughts can happen so quickly that you don't even realize consciously that you've had a negative thought. Developing greater awareness of your thoughts and what triggers them is a large part of tackling the problem.

6 Take notice of which part of your body is affected. 

7 Apologize. 

8 Communicate your feelings Avoid passing on blame to the other person. His or her behavior is not the cause of your feelings––you are responsible for your feelings.

9 Bear in mind at all times that feelings of jealousy are about you, not about the other person.

10 Learn from your jealousy. The ignoble, negative emotions have a role in our lives, one of teaching each of us how to be a better person for struggling and overcoming them. They have a place, just not one that controls you and excuses poor behavior. Some of the things jealousy might be teaching you include:

1. • You are frightened when a relationship is new and still has some way to go before it feels secure. This is a commonplace feeling in young relationships for many people, and both possessiveness as well as sense of vulnerability at getting close to someone, can drive feelings of jealousy.( ...and we're so fond of seducing people; testing our power can become a very harming pass time )
   • You're afraid someone else will take your job, salary, role, position, and so forth. In this case, it's probable that you're afraid of financial insecurity (survival instinct) or you feel that you're an impostor in your role, the latter an all-too-commonly held false belief in many high-achieving people in the workforce. Remember that you wouldn't have been given the role or position unless other people felt you had earned it.( don't be your worst and closest enemy) Try living up to that trust in you rather than seeing demons hovering in every corner.
   • You feel your lover has a roving eye. In romantic relationships, both men and women continue to check out other men and women. It's biologically driven and it's natural.However, in the majority of cases, it does not mean that the person wants to leave the relationship he or she is in with you. It is, for most people, about appreciating the human form and not about a roaming eye. This misunderstanding has long created unnecessary jealousy as long as relationships have existed; it can help to accept that it's okay for a person in a committed relationship to look, provided there's no touch!
   • You listen to people who say mean or exaggerated things and let this direct your emotions. Take a stand ! Be true to yourself and those you love ! All too common, many people are easily convinced by the village gossip because it sounds so compelling and seems like it must be right. The reality is that it rarely is right and it's always far better to not listen to people who chatter away making things up as they go. Let these people go get jobs as celebrity gossip journalists while you get on with facing the facts instead.
   • You dislike looking within yourself and working through difficult emotions. It's typical to externalize painful emotions, to try and make them someone else's problem than to do the hard work of facing them and dealing with them internally. Jealousy is painful but by facing it, you can repair much internal damage that ultimately makes your relationships stronger and more enduring.

11 Trust yourself. Trust begins at home, with yourself. If you learn to trust yourself, you can radiate this trust onto others. Begin by making a list of all your good points. Stick this list up somewhere that you can see it regularly, to remind yourself that you're fully equipped with great talent, skills and features already. Moreover, only compare yourself to yourself, always seeking to outdo your last achievement without worrying what other people are doing. Remind yourself daily through a journal, affirmations or other effective way that you have what it takes, like the song goes, to be fulfilled in life. Practicing healthy thinking must be a daily, recurring action––that's why it involves constant practice. In time, the healthier thinking processes will take over the destructive ones and help you to become a whole person, resilient, capable and not prone to jealous thoughts.

• Work on relevant aspects of your self esteem if you feel it's lacking. When you have more confidence in yourself, you'll be less likely to feel jealous.
• Read some self-help books on jealousy, you'll feel you're getting your grips on that mean, insidious emotion.