Loving My Life

"The art of being happy lies in the power
 of finding joy in ordinary things. Life does not force us to be the best. It only asks that we try. As this old Italian saying goes: Vive bene, spesso l'emore, di risata de molto. Live well. Love much. Laugh often."

The year is almost over. I am happy because I didn't just survive, but I am living the way I would like it to be. It isn't always fun and smooth sailing. In fact, there are many aspects and phases in my day to day life that I fell short of my own preset goals and expectations. But the best thing about all these is that I had the sanity and the inner peace that I never had before. 


It had taken a lot of self-meditation and the necessity to stay calm most of the time, so that  I won't be stressed and depressed so much, which in turn would cause my fibromyalgia to recur. Indeed, I am at peace with myself. That inner thought that says; "Relax, be at peace with everything and everyone around you." I learned to envelop myself with an invisible shroud to protect me from pain, disappointments, anger, guilt, jealousy and loneliness. Some may say this is an illusion, but I say this is taking charge. There are no Knight-in-Shining-Armor princes es to save us from harm both physically and emotionally. 

Acceptance. This is another emotion that I learned to live with. There are no greater pain in this life than longing for people and things that can never be. I can truly say I love my life now. I do cry in pain sometimes. Pain for many things, but it's no longer the kind of pain tinged with guilt and anger. Life gives and takes away things and people. I didn't end up like what I had envisioned when I was little, but I am luckier than most with a stable job and a comfortable life others can only dream of. And I may not have a lot of time to spend with my family, but I try to reach out in different ways.

Enjoying life. I learned to appreciate the simple things in life. I do not let my being alone prevent me from doing what I want. I watch any movie I want alone, and I enjoy it. I go to the park and just sit there taking in the view and the busy people around me. I laugh for children's antics, remembering my childhood and my siblings, yet coming to terms with my life now. Being single is not a tragedy as others may say. It is a choice. 

Knowing what I want. Everyone wants a bigger share of everything. But in exchange of a stressed life? No way! I decided that I can take the slow, but relaxed life in the mountains. For the first time, I am taking the back seat, and just letting life unfolds. I am not in a hurry. The future is rushing by anyhow, trying to engulf us all. I figured there's no need to ran after it. Let it wait for me. I know it will. For I have something it wants. I have the years behind me and the memories it may need to come full circle.





Prayer. No greater fool is he who does not remember God. The One true God who made all things possible. I know my journey is rough, but never will I go astray again with Him to guide me. Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Please do not forget me.

Love,
Therry

Pahinga Muna

Eto na naman ako. Hindi na naman ako makahinga. Nanghihina at nahihilo. On and off naman yong scoliosis pain ko pero lately napapadalas ang sakit at matindi na siya ngayon. Nahihirapan na naman ako. Hay, ganito na nga siguro ang tumatanda. Pero at least I am surviving kahit may cancer ako. Medyo depress na naman ako pero kinakaya kong iayos ang pag-iisip ko. Sana huwag itong magtagal.

Lately nga lang e parang wala akong maisip na inspirasyon sa araw-araw na buhay ko. I mean, I have a job. I go to work, but that's it. Ni walang excitement or eagerness na pumasok sa work. Pumapasok lang ako kasi kelangan. Matagal na din akong may nararamdaman pero pinipilit kung pumasok kasi kaya ko pa naman at saka ano naman ang gagawin ko sa bahay. Lalo lang akong made-depress. Pero pag ganitong may pain e ibang usapan na. Pinauwi ako ng doktor kagabi kasi nga di ko na kaya ang pain at dizziness. But personally, I think ang isang cause nang lahat ng ito ay depression and boredom, and being alone. Doing the things you do everyday all over again alone. I really wanted a change in my career. Pero hindi ko alam kung saan ako magsisimula. 

Well, I think first thing first. Magpagaling muna ako, Then, plan A and execute.